In this modern age, there are 5G towers everywhere providing incredibly "fast" internet speeds all over the globe. Or so this is what all of the big tech companies want us to believe. Unfortunately for the big tech companies of America, we're not fooled so easily. Many professional users of smart devices has noticed that 5G feels an awful lot slower than the previously used 4G. However, it isn't just your imagination. After a thorough investigation, we have concluded that 5G is significantly slower than 4G. 4G can reach speeds of up to 200 MPH whereas 5G can only reach a maximum of 12 MPH, a far cry from the promised 16,094.5 MPH.
Here is a graph to display our findings:
| Connection | Distance From Tower (Metres) | Speed (MPH) |
|---|---|---|
| 4G | 10 | 200 |
| 4G | 320 | 153 |
| 4G | 1000 | 79 |
| 5G | 10 | 12 |
| 5G | 320 | 6 |
| 5G | 1000 | 0.2 |
As you can see, 5G is a significant downgrade over 4G in every way. However, there are way more issues than just connection speed plaguing 5G. There are significant health concerns making people worried about the future of our society if we continue living exposed to 5G every day, although there are several others who claim that people are simply being supersticious and that 5G poses zero risk to human health. However, after investigating, we have concluded that 5G is in fact dangerous to human health and could spell the end for the human race if nothing is done to prevent this.
We present the findings of our independent investigation below:
Every single 5G tower emits invisible radiation which is capable of degrading health over time. Direct exposure for a long period of time can cause human skin to begin melting and it could even cause your organs to begin decomposing. 5G radiation also kills white blood cells, which are essential for keeping your body safe from bacteria and viruses. Furthermore, 5G radiation can also cause your brain to slowly melt, essentially turning people into mindless zombies.
There is no way to hide from 5G radiation. It can penetrate any solid object, including walls (although doing so does cause the radiation to weaken). Smart devices that support 5G, such as most modern smartphones, can also spread 5G radiation if they are within range of a 5G tower.
You may be wondering if it is possible to protect yourself, which there is, but it won't be so easy. It requires everyone to band together to help stop this potential apocalypse, which will only be possible if you share this news article with everyone you know. Here are some ways to protect yourself:
Make sure that 5G connectivity is disabled on all devices that are compatible with 5G, and make sure everyone you know does the same. We are unsure whether this actually does prevent devices from spreading 5G radiation, and we personally would not trust big tech companies and smartphone manufacturers. Alternatively, you could simply discard of any 5G compatible devices you own and stick to using older devices which do not have support for 5G. Unlike 5G, 1G, 2G, 3G, and 4G do not pose any risk to human health. We would definitely recommend destroying any 5G compatible device to prevent them from further spreading 5G to other areas.
Another way to protect yourself would to protect yourself would be to destroy 5G from its core. There are 5G towers scattered everywhere all across the globe. If possible, you could try to uhh well, I think you know. We can't outright encourage you to cause damage to any 5G towers since that's illegal I think, but you should understand what we're getting at...
The only remaining question is: why would these ultra rich, massive tech companies work together to create something that is actively destroying humanity? Well, that is a question that has two possible answers:
We at hyperfizz XP News are willing to bet that it's the first one; how do several of the wealthiest companies in the world working together make a blunder so hard, it could potentially cause the extinction of the human race as we know it?